Blackbird Fly

I just want to be okay again.
I won't post thinspo, nor my stats (for the most part). I will not help you acquire an eating disorder like it is a good thing. I post what I post, make of it what you will.
ED Directory

I only lost like 4 followers? Cool man.

I tend to switch between eating practically nothing for a few months and exercising like a maniac, then losing track of how much I eat and not exercising at all for a few months. I’m on the losing track part (for the third time in my life -.-) but I’m starting to keep stricter track of my calories, and even though I’m not exercising, I’m eating 1/4 of what I should be eating, so I’m losing weight (little by little) again. Every time I switch back into starving mode, I keep passing out for the first couple of weeks from low blood sugar.
Problem is, this time my dad found out.
So even though I’m not underweight, my dad is considering throwing me in the hospital if I don’t “eat right”.
(he didn’t notice I wasn’t eating when I was underweight? NOW he notices?)
I’m afraid. I spent this weekend eating a lot of desserts in front of my parents so they see and so I stop passing out, but I can’t keep that up. I have a feeling I’m going to eat the same thing all week I ate last week: salad. I’m not ready to recover. I’m terrified though. I don’t want to keep passing out. I dunno what to do, really.

I’m unsure what to do right now.

I wanted to be left alone so badly…but that status that I posted that said “what would happen if I disappeared?”
My ex just commented on it:
“Well, a large scale search would slowly spread from our area to the rest of the county. If by then you were not yet found, a state-wide search party would commence. We might invite Jersey, but we’ll prolly ask New York first. If after months of searching you’re still missing, I’m just going to assume you went to ninja school.”
That snapped me out of this rut a bit, but I still don’t know whether I want to slap him or kiss him for that. :| I wish I could tell him why I posted that and why his response meant a lot to me.